The nature of generosity in the season of giving

I posted this a few years ago, but it just popped back in to my mind, and I know better than to ignore moments like that …..

I heard someone say the most wonderful thing today; ‘The highest form of generosity is the acceptance of ingratitude.’

It really made me think about the nature of generosity and how often people give, but expect something back, especially a ‘thank you’. Ever held a door open for someone, only to have them ignore the gesture, remember what you’ve muttered under you breath? But if you give/act only to receive, is that true generosity? A friend once said that you shouldn’t do something for someone and then throw it back in their face, how true!

It’s especially relevant to the forthcoming season of ‘giving’. To practice true generosity, can you think of someone, or a group of people, who deserve something (if not gifts, maybe time or companionship?) and you know they cannot return the gift. If you give freely like this, even in the face of apparent ingratitude, you gain anyway, that’s true personal development!

Louise

07584 079342/Inspired Life

This Too Will Pass

‘This too will pass’. I love this saying. I heard it years ago and have used it personnaly in so many situations when things haven’t been going my way. However bad things seem, you will always turn the corner, things will always get better, even in the darkest times there is hope.

Personal Development – Victim Vibe or Victory Vibe?

If I asked you how people generally treated you, what would you say? Like a star? With total respect? Like a doormat? Like you don’t matter? Like they’re more important than you are?

Whichever response you give, I can assure you that you’ve given people ‘permission’ to treat you like that. I don’t mean you explicitly said, “Jim, you know what, it’s OK if you disrespect me and treat me like dirt,” but you’ve communicated it’s acceptability through;

• thinking and speaking negatively about yourself (those ‘tapes’ that play along in your mind constantly reminding yourself how inadequate you are, well they project outwards and other people pick up on the ‘vibe’)
• trying to be polite in group settings and just ‘laughing along’ as someone runs you down
• not pulling the other person up sharp when they do it (that’s not to imply aggressively, but firmly and clearly e.g. “Jim, I don’t know what I could have said or done to give you the impression it’s OK to say that to me or do that to me, but it’s not and I ‘d appreciate it if you didn’t do/say that again.”)

So you get to choose; Victim Vibe or Victory Vibe? Whichever one you choose (your choice in these things comes up a lot, don’t you think?), will determine the way others treat you. On the odd occasion that someone still disrespects you, speak to them as mentioned above, if it continues remove yourself from contact with that person.

Here’s a good affirmation to get you started;

I deserve, expect and receive the love and respect of other people.

Louise
Confidence Coach
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – Avoiding Anger

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. Carrie Fisher

I read an interesting article recently about tears and crying. Scientists have discovered that tears of sadness contain high levels of ‘brain chemicals’ associated with being distressed/upset etc. They think it’s the body’s way of ridding the brain of increasing levels of these chemicals, which makes sense.

It made me think about how the body/brain rids itself of other unwanted negative side effects of negative emotions and energy, in particular anger. When a person lives with anger in their life (not the odd flashes we all experience now and again, but consistently), they too need a kind of pressure release valve. They do become accustomed to carrying a lot of negativity around with them, but there is still only a certain amount they can handle before they need to get rid of some, but how do they do that? By trying to get other people to take it from them.

When an angry person tries to engage you in an angry exchange, they are desperate for you to react, because as you match their anger, you open a ‘doorway’ if you like, through which they can send you their excess negative energy. So how do you refuse entry to their negativity? Don’t react. See the exchange for what it is, realise that just because they’re angry doesn’t mean you have to be, and realise that you’re totally in control of yourself. If it helps, visualise the negative energy trying to attach itself to you and know that all you have to do to send it back is not to react. It may seem hard, but you’re doing yourself a big favour.

Let them carry their own negativity, it’s not your burden to carry.

Louise
Confidence Coach
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – The Secret Secret

Have you seen or read the publishing phenomenon ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne? If you haven’t I recommend you do. It’s very uplifting and positive and offers some good insights. But there is an area I feel it falls down on.

One of the key messages is about the Law of Attraction. Put very simply, like attracts like, and that includes thoughts as they’re a from of energy, so whatever thoughts you hold predominantly in your mind, you attract more of that to yourself e.g. if you’re constantly worrying over the debt you’re in, that will send out the message ‘send more debt’, as is doesn’t matter if what you’re thinking about is bad for you or not, you get more of it just by thinking about it a lot.

So the opposite is true too, if you hold thoughts of goals you want to achieve in your mind constantly, then you will attract that into your life. (That’s a very simple overview, if you want to know more google it!).

I believe very much in this theory, it’s happened to me so many times I can’t not believe it! But the book/film leaves you with the impression that’s all there is to it, you focus on whatever you want to achieve, sit back, and let the universe serve your order.

Well, I’m afraid that if that’s what you’re doing, it’s only half the job, and the missing bit is essential to your success…..YOU MUST ALSO TAKE ACTION. Without the necessary action that follows something/someone being attracted into your life nothing will change. You can’t just see the universe as a catalogue, place your order and sit back and wait for the delivery. When you start to see/hear/think/experience new things that are attracted to you, you must do something about it.

Let me give you an example. You’re focus your energy and attention on what you want to achieve, let’s say you want to start a new business. Nothing happens straight away, then after a few weeks you notice the perfect premises becomes available…..you must act, call the landlord, arrange to see inside, take measurements etc. even if you have no idea at this point how you’ll achieve it, the action itself will generate some momentum and it will take on a life of it’s own, but only if you act!

Or maybe you want to write a novel. You focus your attention on it, then you have a chance meeting with someone who gives you the perfect inspiration for the book….ACT, start to write, think of a title, contact some agents to make initial enquiries, enroll in a writing class, just do something, whatever it is, even a small step towards achieving your goal is success.

In other words, it’s the law of attrACTION

The Law of Attraction + The Law of Action = success

Louise
Confidence Coach
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – Don’t steal your happiness from other people

“I have spread my dreams under your feet;Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” William Butler Yeats

Everyone has the right to a happy life. Happiness can be achieved through any means that seems right to you, but along the way, don’t leave victims in your wake, don’t build the house of your happiness on the foundations of someone elses despair.

If you’re gaining your happiness or boosting your own self confidence bydiminishing that of another, then you have not created a truly happy life for yourself.

Louise
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – Be careful what you focus on

Some time ago I was sent a link to a video on the internet. It was aprox 30 mins long and was a documentary style short film on the horrors of animal cruelty (zoos, circuses, vivisection, bull fighting, seal culls and the like).

It was deeply upsetting. The things that happened were beyond belief. Just like the scene of an accident, however, the horror of it had me glued to the screen. Seemingly unable to switch it off, I saw the most horrific scenes of animal cruelty you could imagine. The mere act of remembering the images is almost unbearable.

The negative impression it made on me stayed with me for some time after, and it really pulled me down into some dark place where something had to be done!!! Then, while discussing (ranting would be more like it) it with my husband, he said something that luckily halted the rising tide of negativity; he told me to find a way to focus on what I could change, and not be so upset about what I couldn’t.

And he was so right. It’s easy to become consumed by an issue and in all the anger and heat not achieve or change a thing (apart from making your own life miserable). Now I wish with all of my heart that all animals knew a peaceful, happy life, I truly do, but it’s not in my power to make that a reality. What is in my power, however, is to do my bit, to make a personal change that honours my own beliefs and doesn’t add to a situation that I see as awful, so I now volunteer at our local animal rescue shelter.

If you saw a beautiful cake, and saw that a fly had landed on it and you went right up to the fly and focused just on the fly, then of course it would seem horrible, but if you took a step back and saw that it was still a beautiful cake, just with a fly on it, you’d still perceive beauty.

That’s what the world is like, it’s generally fantastic and amazing. Of course bad things happen, but if you focus just on the bad stuff you’ll miss out on the wonder of life.

I’m not saying don’t get mad about injustice/inequality or things that go against your values and beliefs, of course do your bit, but focus on changing what you can change and don’t add to the problems of others, but then allow yourself to enjoy life.

Louise
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Boost your self confidence – how to be happy

Do you want to boost your self confidence?

Do you want to know how to be happy?

Of course you do, who doesn’t? But you know already, don’t you? Do you think that we evolved into the magnificent creatures we are without an inbuilt way of knowing?

You know when you’re scared, don’t you? and you know when you’re p***ed off, don’t you? Why is it we know in a heartbeat when we’re unhappy, but ignore the signs that tell us when we’re happy?

You want to know how to be happy? Listen to your heart, it speaks to you through your emotions and feelings. Listen to your heart and act on what you hear. Unfortunately most people smother these signals by fears of what other people may think of what they are doing, or who they are seeing, or what they are saying. Or they take ill thought through advice from well meaning friends. If you want to be truly happy drown out those fears and listen instead for the guiding voice from within.

If I’d listened to everyone who thought they knew better about how I should lead my life I wouldn’t have done all the amazing things I’ve done. When people offer their advice, however well intentioned, they are generally projecting their own limiting fears and insecurities onto you.

Soar as high as you want to, not as lowly as others feel comfortable with.

Louise
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants” Isaac Newton

Whatever you have achieved in life, others have helped you, whatever you know others have imparted to you. Forget not the helping hand of friends and strangers alike.

Now ask yourself how you too can extend a helping hand, either by thought, word or deed, to someone who needs it.

Louise
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development

Personal Development – Why do we have to be right all the time?

I hit the sales with my husband yesterday and we managed to buy some real bargains. One of those bargains was a gorgeous pair of boots. It took a few shops, a lot of trying on and opinions from my husband, Shelton, before finally I found THE pair.

As we walked back to the car Shelton mentioned how lucky it was that he’d spotted the boots, which was a surprise because I thought I had spotted them. To cut a long story short we spent the next 30 mins or so trying to convince the other person that we were right. It wasn’t a blazing row, but you could tell we were both determined to force our ‘rightness’ on the other person.

As we drove home I was gently simmering and replaying the whole incident in my mind and convincing myself each time that I was dead certain I was right, and growing even more irritated that Shelton didn’t see it.

But after a while I began to realised how totally and utterly irrelevant it was; I found them, he found them, who cares? The main thing is I got them! By being small minded I had totally forgotten the brilliant day we’d spent together and how lucky I am to even have money to spend in the first place, and I’d wasted a whole hour of my life in a totally worthless way in the mindless pursuit of having to be right. Which is the point of this post; why do we have to be right all of the time? We may as well have been deciding whose socks were blacker, or who had blinked the most that day!!

Choose your fights/disagreements/differing opinions/niggles carefully, or you may lose more than you could ever gain, and who is the loser then?

Happy new year!

Louise
07719955494
Self Confidence and Personal Development